Ragged-Trousered Philanthropists

I heard about a thing called “Clean For The Queen” a few weeks ago via the Daily Mash (the popular satirical news website) and assumed that it was a piss take based upon the comments of some old duffer somewhere. I have just discovered that it is actually a real thing and involves cleaning Britain for the Queen's 90th birthday. Apparently it is supported by the Keep Britain Tidy campaign and is the brainchild of Country Life which most people will recognise as that magazine that one will find in the waiting room of a low quality GP’s surgery and can be used as a fair indication that the medical practitioner is shite.

Now this is something that I should actually approve of given my opinion that Britain has been rendered into a complete toilet by the amount of litter that is strewn about the place. In fact if they were wanting to organise people to remove litter I would be quite happy - there are a few local environmental charities that organise this kind of activity as it is. It’s just the condescending attitude of the people behind it that makes my blood boil.

I don’t have particularly republican views: whilst I wouldn’t suggest instituting a monarchy if we were setting up the country from scratch, I tend to regard our monarchy as an amusing anachronism. I certainly don’t regard them as a threat to democracy: one only has to look at the shower of shite in the Palace of Westminster for that. However, it is the idea that the little people should bow down and scrub the floors of their lords and masters that makes me want to haul a guillotine down to the nearest exclusive gentlemen’s club.

So I, for one, will not be cleaning for the bleeding Queen or for any other privileged bastard that is more than capable of paying someone a decent living wage to do the task. What I am prepared to do is to spend time cleaning up for my local community and the people I live and work with. If anyone wants to organise that after this bollocks for the Queen has finished I’ll be the first in line. Maybe we could dump all the rubbish at Buckingham Palace afterwards?