Getting the Hump

Eurovision has been and gone again. Britain hasn't done very well in recent years. Much of this has been self inflicted as the entries have been dire talent show rejects. This year they didn't even bother doing a Song for Europe type contest but the entry was intriguing. I first heard of this on my Radio 2 wake up call. When they started the announcement that "Famed 1960s singer Engelbert Humperdinck..." I thought that they were going to announce that he had died, not that he was to represent us at Eurovision. Quite what he was going to perform was a mystery but this was a seriously big star.

Britain used to do quite well at Eurovision. We won it several times and came second more times than I could remember. The one big factor is that most of our acts were established performers. Of those hat won it, only Bucks Fizz were a made for Eurovision act with all the others having had a long touring history and a few hit singles to their name. In recent years we have been sending talent show rejects or tired dross trying to revive a half baked career with a Eurovision appearance. Engelbert Humperdinck fits neither mould. He is a huge star - possibly most famously keeping the Beatles Strawberry Fields / Penny Lane (arguably their best single) off the number 1 spot. He is also a long standing regular on the big Las Vegas venues and can easily be mentioned with the likes of Tom Jones, Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley for his residencies. This is a seriously big star.

So what was the song going to be like? "Love Will Set You Free" was written by Sacha Skarbek, an Ivor Novello award winner. It's also a very nice song if a little old fashioned for the current Eurovision. Somehow, I suspected that it wouldn't win but I did expect it to pick up quite a few points. For once I have been pleasantly surprised that Britain has been taking Eurovision seriously. Unfortunately, "The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men. Gang aft agley, An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain." The song was drawn to be first on the bill and, as Graham Norton feared, a sweet ballad would be lost amongst the pomp and glitz of the night. I didn't finish last but it didn't do well by any stretch of the imagination.

I'm not sure where we can go from here. Some of the diabolical performances from British entrants in recent years have got all that they deserved. This one didn't and I now fear that it will be very difficult to convince any of our seasoned professionals to take part. I do think that Eurovision has become a bit stale again. Much of the life and variety that the old communist block countries had brought to the competition seems to have been lost and thinking back over the last ten years' winners there is only The Ukraine's Ruslana and Finland's Lordi that come readily to mind as exceptional and unique performers. Far too many seem to be honed to be likeable but instantly forgettable Eurovision fodder. I think last night was a case in point. In all honesty the best song probably won but I would find it largely indistinguishable from any other club anthem and of the others, only the Russian Grannies really stood out as a memorable performance.

Possibly the voting system could be reformed. I really did find it tedious sitting through an hour of results from all 42 countries when it was clear who was winning after the first half dozen. I also think the competition needs another breath of fresh air in the same way that the Eastern Europeans provided when they first took part. I just hope that the UK keeps trying. Engelbert was a brave choice and whatever the result I think he did us proud.

A Week is a Long Time in Football

I wrote a while ago about my disenchantment with professional football but it still has the ability to provide surprise and excitement. This week has been a good example if this. I ended up watching (in a rather half hearted manner) Manchester City's last league game. All they had to do was to win at home against QPR to ensure that they won the league over rivals United. How hard could that be? Well, it must be remembered that this is City that we are talking about and if anyone could cock it up then they could. They didn't disappoint and at 2-1 down with only injury time left it looked like the league title would be heading back to Old Trafford again. At this point many City fans had given up and were leaving the stadium. This is something I've never quite understood but have often seen. When spending good money to watch a team I'm pretty determined to stay until the bitter end and I have seen matches turned around in the dying seconds on more than one occasion. It proved to be the case here with City grabbing two late goals in what must be the most dramatic league title since Arsenal snatched the league from Liverpool in the final seconds of the 1989 campaign. I just wonder whether those City fans discovered their mistake by the time they got home?

That 1989 Liverpool team was managed by Kenny Dalglish and he stayed with them to recover the league the next year (I know, because I was there). His return to the club early last year came as a surprise to me. He did exceptionally well in the next few months to turn around a side that were very much at the wrong end of the table but given his age I did expect him to act as a caretaker until a suitable understudy, presumably Steve Clarke, would take up the reins. The past season, at least the last few months, have been disappointing for Liverpool but they have still won one trophy and reached the final of another with only their league form proving frustrating. However, this has not been enough for the club's American owners and Kenny (as well as Clarke) have both left. This is in addition to many of the other key backroom positions. I can understand that the owners may be concerned that they are not getting enough bangs for the many bucks they have spent on new players but they do now appear to be left in charge of a rudderless ship. I'm not sure what they are planning in the coming months but I suspect that they are trying to apply some sort of Sabermetrics to a football club. Will it work? I think it is possible to produce a decent side with minimal money (Newcastle have done well this season that way) but if that goes wrong it is a long, long way back up.

I think the one football occasion I was really looking forward to recently was the Scottish Cup Final. This had thrown Edinburgh rivals Hearts and Hibs together in the final for the first time in over 100 years - which is somehow far more romantic than the perennial Old Firm hatefest. I was hoping for a decent game but Hibs have been in dreadful form recently and it wasn't long until Hearts had notched up a two goal lead. I did have my hopes raised for a short while as Hibs made a tactical change and scored to make it 2-1 at half time. It wasn't to last. Just after the restart Hearts were awarded a penalty and Hibs had a player sent off. The whole incident highlighted my disgruntlement with football entirely. Kujabi deserved to be sent off for a second yellow card after a cynical bit of shirt pulling. I have no complaints about that. However the incident took place well outside the box and the fouled player managed to take several steps before diving into the penalty box. With the penalty scored and another goal in quick succession many Hibs fans were leaving after only 50 minutes played and one half of Hampden was almost bare by the time the final whistle went. Hearts were well worth their victory and the 5-1 final score was justified but it wasn't quite the spectacle I had hoped for.

At least Saturday offered a double header and the European Cup final provided the sight of Chelsea being pounded repeatedly by Bayern Munich on their home ground. This game did, at least, provide some living room entertainment as my wife decided that she would support Bayern (which is not unknown) so I must, by default, support Chelsea. I went along with it but it started to become clear that it was just a matter of time until Bayern scored. However, as they game progressed this looked like a more remote possibility. Given the number of the German national side that play for Bayern I expected them to pass Chelsea to death and they did proceed to do this but they also appeared to suffer from a lack of finishing which I personally put down to the presence of Mario Gomez. He is a prolific scorer but I really don't rate him much as a player. When he scores it's fine but when he doesn't I actually find he causes the rest of the team to play worse. I'm not sure why but I suspect it is because he is more of a goal poacher and if the ball doesn't go in he loses possession. Not that Bayern needed to worry about that. I think it was telling that it was Thomas Müller that eventually broke the deadlock. It was rather scrappy but with only 8 minutes left it looked like game won for Bayern - which is probably why Müller was promptly substituted for the defensive Van Buyten. Of course it was at this point that Chelsea equalised following their first corner of the game. Bayern missed a gift of a penalty in extra time and it became clear that Chelsea were going to sneak this on penalties. I'm genuinely pleased for the Chelsea players, particularly the likes of Lampard, Drogba and Čech. Many of them have toiled away for years to win this trophy and for many this was the last roll of the dice. Their season seems very similar to the Liverpool team that won in 2005 in that they made a miserable season a memorable one. The best team lost on the night but then it is often that way in football. I think that is why I still keep watching.

Hard Cheese

I like cheese. I tend to eat the stuff in moderation as I don't think it is particularly healthy but I do love it. Mostly it is just a sprinkling to add flavour but occasionally I'll get a wedge of the stuff or make cheese on toast. For a very special occasion I even like to knock up a fondue which is essentially just a heart attack in a paraffin heated vessel but it does have the novelty factor of allowing various cheeses from around the world to be heated up into one artery clogging gloop. All of this is great fun but I end up frustrated by the local supermarkets: not by a lack of cheese so much as the fact that they seem to think that "cheese" is a synonym for "Cheddar".

I'm not really sure when this started. I think the supermarkets have always favoured British cheeses, which is fair enough, but there have traditionally been a good few varieties. Nowadays, I am lucky to see a Red Leicester and Double Gloucester sneaking in beside the Cheddar. Very occasionally a Wensleydale (usually sullied with berries) or a Stilton sneak in but it's usually just every conceivable variety of Cheddar with varying maturity, colour and geography. To appease the cheese freak there is a little section at the end marked "speciality cheeses" which is essentially everything that isn't Cheddar. Unfortunately, this rarely covers iconic cheeses such as Cornish Blue, Cheshire, Caerphilly, Cotswold, Crowdie, Dunlop, Lancashire, Shropshire Blue... well, you get the picture.

The problem of cheese choice is even worse when it gets to European cheeses. This is a problem if I want to do the fondue as most of the recipes for this use cheeses from Switzerland, France, Italy and so on. Funnily enough, it is the smaller supermarkets such as Lidl and Aldi that tend to come up trumps. Possibly this is because they have stores all over Europe but even then they have at least two shelves taken up with Cheddar.

Now I must point out that I've nothing against Cheddar. It's a great cheese and as well as tasting good it's fantastic to cook with but I do like a bit of variety. I've got some vouchers for Sainsbury's to spend and they have one of those shops the size of a Zeppelin hangar near to where I work in Livingston. I'll give it a try. I'm sure they must have some variety of cheese in there - just as long as it's not 57 varieties of Cheddar.

Except For Viewers in Scotland

I ended up watching the FA Cup Final for the first time in a few years. I used to watch this every year - even if it involved teams that I wasn't particularly interested in. I suppose it's one of those national events that one feels compelled to take an interest in. I enjoy a game of football on the TV even with my current disenchantment with the professional game but since it involved a team I have actually followed and, at one time, regularly attended games for I thought I'd make the extra effort. And an extra effort it is, because since the games are shown on ITV1 my local broadcaster, STV, have decided in their wisdom that a football match is not suitable for those of us North of the Border. As well as the FA Cup they also won't show England internationals. Now, if the alternative was to show Scottish internationals and Scottish Cup games I would be more than happy. However, the alternative is, more often than not, to show ancient repeats of Poirot, dreadful B-movie flops or other unmitigated crap.

My first attempt at finding a way of watching the match was to check German TV. Now an easy escape clause for picking up ITV1 in Scotland is to use a satellite feed but as our dish points to 19.2 degrees rather than the usual 28.2 it would involve a visit up a ladder and box retuning that fills me with utter dread. However, I did find that the German channel Sport1 were showing FA cup games. Result! Except that as the FA had moved to a late kick off and this clashed with a German handball game so they were only showing the last 25 minutes live. They did have the whole game on their pay-TV channel but this is not an option for me. Next call - the pub.

I checked out my local pubs and at least two were definitely showing the game (including our local football club's bar!) This looked like a good bet and had the added advantage that I could enjoy a pint as well as having the company of fellow football fans / alcoholics to watch and trade banter with. This is also another advantage of living back in civilisation: pub football can be enjoyed as the God of beer intended and not sipping coke or worrying about how to get 5 miles home in an inebriated state. This plan was going well until I stupidly (and mistakenly) volunteered to provide on-call support for work. The extra bit of overtime is welcome but it really buggers up the weekend. So I had to go for plan C - streaming football on the internet.

Now watching football over the internet is a dodgy business for the most part - mainly due to the dubious legality of many of the feeds. However, with this game being shown on ITV1 I was, at least, able to use their official website. It could be worse, but having used it for the duration of the game it could be a whole lot better as well. For a start, it insists on showing 2 adverts before it cuts into the coverage. I can't really complain about this as it is a free service but it is really annoying on the 2nd or 3rd time of restarting the streaming. Of course, I only had to do this due to the intermittent quality of the service. On occasion it would jitter and sometimes jump. The first time this happened I missed the first goal (which is par for the course for ITV sports coverage anyway). Even when it was running the quality of the picture is poor with very pixelated images. It's certainly nowhere near the crystal images from iPlayer or Lovefilm but I expect the FA Cup final is going to be one of their most heavily subscribed feeds.

I ended up watching the last 25 minutes back on Sport1 in German. Aside from the fact that the commentators were far more likeable, the quality of the picture was superb. I think I also saw the best part of the game on TV. Overall, whilst the result of the game was a little disappointing for me, I can't fault either side for the spectacle and the deciding save from Petr Čech was outstanding. However, it got me thinking. I ended up going to a great amount of effort to see this game when the obvious future for this is already with me in the terms of the Smart TV and the likes of LoveFilm. I would have happily paid a little extra to receive this match and even without payment, there is a great opportunity for internet TV to make good money from targeted advertising. LoveFilm is owned by Amazon and they know a great deal about my buying habits. They could have made the game available and then run adverts for Jazz Albums, vacuum cleaners (which I have been searching for recently) or all matter of items which they may know I would be interested in. I find the spat between ITV and STV to be childish but is this really just the remnants of a 20th century television model?

Anyway, and I've checked for the Hibs vs Hearts Cup final. It will be on BBC One in Scotland - with no adverts, either!