Saturday, 9 April 2016

Cheap Lasagne

I was accused of being a miserable bastard this week. This wasn’t due to my usual reasons of back ache, idiot intolerance or some vague, low-level metal illness (or “employment” as I think it is also known) but because I refused to participate in the office sweep stake for the Grand National. To my mind, the “National” consists of two things I really don’t enjoy, namely gambling and animal cruelty. In the past I would have joined in to avoid being completely anti-social but for quite a few years now I have boycotted anything to do with this event and I don’t see that ending any time soon.

When I was younger, this was one of those events that people looked forward to but that I really couldn’t be bothered with. I had an elderly aunt whose house backed on to Aintree and the race could be seen from her upstairs window in the sort of detail that would make radio coverage essential. One of the family, usually one of my uncles, would take bets from the family and place them at the local bookies. I would reluctantly place a small bet to join in and, if I was lucky, would hear my chosen nag’s name in the garbled commentary once before it fell at an early hurdle.

This carried on for quite a few years until one year I placed a bet on a beautiful grey horse for no other reason that I might have a chance of seeing it on the TV coverage. It fell at the third fence and broke its neck in hideous detail on the BBC’s Grandstand coverage. That was the last time I had anything to do with placing bets on this race and it is quite a few years since I have seen the slightest bit of coverage.

For the record, I am not opposed to horseracing or equestrian events as such. I am happy enough for people to participate in such sports or to go along and place bets on them. I even appreciate that accidents can and do happen. However, it is in everyone’s interests that the welfare of both horses and jockeys is placed as the highest priority and every possible measure is taken to avoid harm to those participating whether human or equine. The Grand National’s fences are so inhumanely different to anything that the horses will normally experience that tragedy is almost inevitable. In fact this almost seems to be part of the attraction of the event.

After the horsemeat scandal of 2013 there were lots of black jokes mocking the Aintree event as “sponsored by Findus” and the like. I enjoy a bit of dark humour and I think these comments pretty much caught my feelings towards the race entirely. If they can improve the standard of the circuit to the point that not only the horses survive but are also expected to finish unharmed then I am prepared to give it another go. Until then I will refuse to have anything to do with it and I will certainly not regard it as some national treasure to be celebrated.

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