Eurovision!

Eurovision, as it happened...

Well, sort of. I watched both semi finals so I've seen 4 hours of this nonsense already. Anyway, we settled down having just watched Doctor Who (and more of that at a later date). So here is the result from the Stirlingshire jury:

Azerbaijan - Let's start with the beautiful people. This is an all singing, all dancing extravaganza but I'm not that fussed on the song and I have no idea where Azerbaijan is.

Spain - This features a fizzy haired weirdo with some freaky clowns. It's in traditional Eurovision fashion and nice enough but, wait... is that the first Eurovision stage diver I see? (This turns out to be enough for them to repeat the song at the end).

Norway - After winning it last year they have gone for a mawkish ballad called "My Lovely Horse" or something. It sounds a bit off but Raymond likes the fireworks.

Moldova - No idea where this is either but it features a rotating fiddler and a low rent Lady Gaga. The song is middling.

Cyprus - He's Welsh! A pleasant enough guitar ballad which will no doubt earn a few votes.

Bosnia & Herzegovina - Let's rawk! Rather American styled rock singing although more Euro rock style guitar. I like it - pretty good by Eurovision standards.

Belgium - A folksy guitar and singer. He sounds rather James Blunt and yet I have no desire to punch him in the face. Actually, the best of the night so far.

Serbia - A rather mad hair style and androgynous looking in the finest Bowie style. He sings in his own language, which is a bonus. A quirky danceable song that deserves to do well.

Belarus - They've got wings! A remarkably forgettable ballad but with the gimmick of the night so far.

Ireland - A middle aged redhead - which makes a refreshing change. She has won it before but I have no recollection of it. A very traditional Irish entry.

Greece - This is the soundtrack to a bonkers Greek wedding reception. No broken plates but wonderfully off their heads. Daft enough to get first place.

United Kingdom - God, this is awful. Can they give negative points? A pair of teenagers from Liverpool received nil points a few years back after singing out of tune but it's the backing track that's off here. I feel sorry for the lad.

Georgia - A pleasant enough power ballad but I'm now failing to tell this apart from anything else.

Turkey - Manga! Dance Rock. Something different from the Turks. They have a fembot girl who does an angle grinder solo and strips off. I now know what The Stig does as a day job. This really has it all.

Albania - This is a big disco number. It's nice enough but I don't think it will win.

Iceland - A chunky girl with chunky backing singers. A rather Ibiza sounding dance tune. At least they stand out from the crowd.

Ukraine - A young blonde girl who sounds like Evenesence (the American witch rock combo). I think the acoustic riff was pinched from the last Rammstein album but I'd be happy to listen to this again. I hope it wins. I bet it doesn't.

France - France presents your 100 best holiday club hits - complete with a Haka in the middle. You have to love the French.

Romania - A double glass piano and a bouncy dance number. Also features a bouncy girl singer in bouncy rubber wear - which is the only thing I liked about this one.

Russia - A maudlin love song dripping in irony. Very daft and one of the few intended comedy moments.

Armenia - An Angelina Jolie look-alike with very long hair singing about apricots - or something.

Germany - Lena from jolly old Deutschland. A pretty girl with a catchy indie song. Rather Lily Allen, in fact, but nothing like as annoying. Nina hates it but I think it's good - it could do well.

Portugal - They did my favourite song last year but this year's tries too hard. It's in their own language but far from outstanding.

Israel - They were bloody awful in the semis. I don't know what they are doing in the final and there is a serious off note at the end.

Denmark - This was meant to be the last song until they let Spain have another crack. It sounds remarkably like Every Breath You Take. Nice enough but I prefer the Police original.

Well, that's my opinion. I'm just off to endure an hour and a half of voting...



Good grief, that doesn't half go on. Germany wins. I bet they win the World Cup as well. I think Nina is coming around and actually likes it now. The UK finished last with 10 more points than they deserved. Clearly there are still some tone deaf people in Europe. Graham Norton was a hoot. He's such an improvement on Terry. Oh well, here's to Hamburg...