Callendar Park Mausoleum

I occasionally walk the dogs around Callendar Park in the centre of Falkirk. For the most part I tend to go around the woodland walks which are well maintained. I have walked past the Forbes family mausoleum on a number of occasions but I actually took the chance to take a closer look.

Callendar House

Forbes Family Mausoleum

The mausoleum itself is a neo-classical construction which seems strangely out of kilter with the rest of the park although given that one of the other great Roman relics passes through the park in the form of the Antonine Wall it’s possibly not as out of place as one would imagine. It was constructed for the Forbes family, who owned the estate, in the early 19th Century.

Greek Enscription

There is an engraving in Greek on the front above the doorway which apparently translates as: All things we mortals call our own
Are mortal too and quickly flown;
But could they all for ever stay,
We soon from them must pass away.



Grave in Park

As well as providing a resting place for members of the Forbes family there are a number of mostly fallen gravestones which were for particularly valued servants of the Forbes family. Such a feudal arrangement feels more akin to Ancient Egypt than relatively modern Scotland but the date one grave was as recent as 1949.


It is rather saddening that the building is strewn in graffiti as it is genuinely interesting as an architectural oddity and very much out of kilter with the rest of the park which is very well maintained. I’m wondering how much it would cost to remove the graffiti and tidy the site up. I suspect that it wouldn’t be that much.

Three Cup Finals And Lashings Of Beer

I don’t subscribe to sport on TV. I don’t think it’s worth it as there are only so many events that I am interested in and I really can’t justify the monthly subscription just to watch the one or two games that I really want to see. Ultimately, if I was really that desperate to watch something there is always the pub. However, I do enjoy watching a game of football and yesterday offered me the unique chance of watching three cup finals in succession as the football cup finals for Scotland, England and Germany were being shown at 3, 5 and 7 o’clock respectively.

First up was the Scottish  cup final between Dundee United and St Johnstone which was being played at Celtic Park as the usual venue of Hampden Park is currently converted to an athletics stadium for the Commonwealth Games. On paper these two teams were well matched having finished 4th and 6th in the league. It seemed to be the case as possession and shots were shared out for most of the first half until Saints grabbed a goal just before the break. To their credit, United kept badgering away right through the second half but somehow seemed to lack a clinical final touch and were undone 5 minutes from time when St Johnstone scored a second. Overall a highly entertaining game and a huge day for St Johnstone who picked up their first major trophy.

Next up was the FA Cup final from Wembley with a much fancied Arsenal against plucky underdogs Hull City. Fortunately, for a neutral, nobody had told Hull this and they raced to a 2-0 lead in under 8 minutes. It wasn’t until 15 minutes in that Arsenal realised that the match had started and they began the task of clawing back the game with a neatly taken free kick. Having the underdog leading makes for great viewing and it becomes a case of whether they can defend a narrow lead for the remainder of the game. They gave it a good shot but it wasn’t to be with Arsenal persevering and clinching a 3-2 victory in extra time. It was well deserved but the extra time also knocked my timings, causing me to miss the first 28 minutes of the German cup final.

As it was, I didn’t miss much. The German cup final doesn’t quite have the romance that surrounds the FA Cup but Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund seemed to simply cancel each other out. I’ve enjoyed watching Bayern over the years but I had hoped that Dortmund would take them down a peg or two as they have been dominating the German league too much – draining the talent of the less wealthy clubs. However, they aren’t even that fantastic to watch these days as Pep Guardiola has fashioned them into a sort of Germanic Barcelona with lots of possession and short passes but without the barnstorming counter attacks of old. Bayern have barely lost a game domestically all season so it is obviously effective but on this occasion Dortmund were robbed as Dante cleared a Mats Hummels header from behind the goal line – the “goal” was not awarded and Bayern went on to win 2-0 in extra time. The funny thing is, as British audiences seem to have picked up on the joys of German football it appears to have lost some of its sparkle.

Through all of this couch potato football spectating I did manage to keep myself refreshed and managed to find suitable beers from each nation. At least I though I did. The main Scottish beer on offer at the local supermarket was Tennent’s Lager which is a mostly tasteless concoction that always reminds me of a piece of graffiti I one saw over the urinal in a Glasgow pub: an arrow pointing downwards with the words “Tennent’s brewery this way”. I ended up getting something called “Burns Ale” with a picture of The Bard on the front. It was nice stuff but turns out to be brewed in Kent. For the English game I went for Hobgoblin: a ruby ale from Oxfordshire with a somewhat overbearing flavour although one I would go for again. I was going to try and find some quality German lager for the last game but Asda did Holstein or Becks (which are possibly not even brewed in Germany any more.) I nipped into Lidl and went for their  Grafenwalder stuff which is actually German, decent enough for the price and by the time Bayern were lifting their trophy I didn’t care that much anyway. So that was 3 matches in 6 and a bit hours – now bring on the World Cup!

Painless Experiences

I’ve just renewed by car’s tax disc. Now, whilst I dislike having to pay this tax as much as anyone else, as an experience of paying money to Her Majesty’s Government goes it’s a fairly painless one.

Quite why this should be I’m not sure but they do most of the hard work for you – their database is able to look up both VOSA’s MOT records and the Insurance industry’s record of covered vehicles. Simply typing in a 16 digit reference number and a 16 digit debit card number is all that’s required and that’s it – the paper disc arrives a few days later through the post. At least it does until October when it is scrapped making that daft ritual a thing of the past.

I’ve also had to fill in a tax return recently and that is anything but simple: page after page of obtuse and often confusing questions. HMRC don’t appear to know what their own departments are up to let alone any others – surely they know exactly what tax I have paid as my payslips have all the details already entered and my employers will have sent them any figures they need to know. To make matters worse, the whole thing is covered with thinly veiled threats as to what the consequences should be should the slightest detail be entered wrongly.

I think HMRC could learn a few lessons from the DVLC. Simply cross referencing details that are easily obtainable and treating the public with a modicum of polite respect would go a long way. And if the tax form really has to be that complex, isn’t it time we simplified the whole regime? Maybe tax shouldn’t be that taxing?

Magpie Magic

I’ve always had a fondness for magpies. Whether this is because they are one of the easiest garden birds to identify or whether it is because I lived in Newcastle upon Tyne for several ears, I’m not quite sure. They seem to attract hostility from many people – either due to various superstitions (which appear to be complete nonsense) or the fact that they attack other birds (which is presumable nature at work). However, I have noticed magpies doing something rather useful in our garden.

The grass in our lawn has been thick with moss ever since we moved in. Initially I put this down to a lack of light from the leylandii trees in the hedge but this has continued even after they were removed. I’ve tried a few things to encourage the grass but in the main strategy I have used is spreading moss killer and lawn feed together. When doing this the lawn is meant to be finely raked to remove the dead moss. This is a real back-breaking job to do and it tends to leave holes in the lawn where the grass comes away with the moss. Overall, it’s not my favourite task.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been finding clumps of moss on the lawn – usually appearing a couple of days after it is cut. I’ve been a bit puzzled about this – partly because I haven’t done anything to it and partly because it was such a neat job: the moss has been neatly plucked out leaving the grass intact. It was only yesterday when I looked out into the garden that I noticed two magpies meticulously plucking away at the moss. I’m not sure whether they eat this or use it as nest lining but they are doing a pretty good job of de-mossing the entire lawn for me.

I have considered buying a mechanical lawn raker but they are quite expensive. I’m wondering whether I would be better off with a flock of magpies?