HARM

I seem to have got out of the habit of reading lately. I'm not sure why - possibly working from home so much has robbed me of my free time but I had to renew my latest library book twice before finishing it. It wasn't even a particularly long book and I actually enjoyed it. Anyway, this week I finally finished Brian Aldiss' HARM.

HARM is a dystopian novel. Much as George Orwell used Britain's post-war austerity and the long shadows of totalitarianism under Hitler and Stalin to fashion Nineteen Eighty-Four, Aldiss takes modern Britain and its paranoia of Islamist terrorism as the starting point for HARM. Paul Ali is a British satirist from an Islamic background who has written a Wodehouse style comic novel. However, one small passage from the book has been taken out of context by the authorities who have imprisoned and tortured Ali to gain information about his supposed terrorist contacts.

To escape from his incarceration Paul immerses himself in a fantasy world and becomes Freemant, a colonist on the distant planet of Stygia. In this new world we discover that Stygia's original inhabitants are insect-like creatures which have evolved to fit the ecological niches that would be filled by vertebrates on Earth. Hence we have insect based horses and dogs and even intelligent beings. However, as we later discover, the new colonists have not treated this new home with any respect and have destroyed habitat and exterminated species with little regard to the planets environment. There are fragmented memories (and speech) from the humans that indicate a past from Earth but ultimately the same human frailties are still on show.

The idea of a central protagonist who is suffering from some sort of mental disturbance is not new in Sci-Fi; in fact, it is a central theme to much of Philip K Dick's works. However, what really works powerfully with HARM is the description of the real world torture. In fact, it is rather difficult reading at times and I think Aldiss has researched the worse excesses of Guantanamo or Abu Ghraib rather too well. It's effective, though, and it is a believable dystopia rather than the more distant concerns of Orwell, Huxley or Anthony Burgess. The escape to Stygia is more of a wistful lament of humankind's instinctive destructiveness.

The end of the book has a rather insightful interview with Aldiss. It was interesting to see his opinion of screen adaptations of his works. He seemed dissatisfied with Kubrick's treatment of Supertoys which became the Spielberg directed AI: Artificial Intelligence. I've read a few of Aldiss' books and he usually comes across as having interesting ideas rather than making a big impact. HARM actually does make an impact and is an important comment on the state paranoia of modern Britain. He has been writing for over half a century so it looks like he is approaching a creative peak rather than a swansong.

The Joy of Record Shops

HMV recently announced that they are going to close 60 of their High Street shops due to falling sales. I actually went in one this week to choose a birthday present for my wife. In the past they have rather annoyed me because not only have their music collections become limited by the encroachment of DVD and video game sales, but they subdivide their music into narrow (and often erroneous) categories like Folk, Country, Jazz, Metal, Dance (which I assume is waltzes and foxtrots) and something called "Urban" (which I assume is everything other than Country).

I always organize my record collection into artist A-Z and classical composer A-Z because, largely, this is how I listen to music: classical by composer and everything else by the recording artist. I was actually quite surprised to find that the Sauchiehall Street branch of HMV had arranged their selections in mainly alphabetical fashion. This is great as not only can I find things without second guessing which category they have deemed appropriate but I tend to bump into things that I would not necessarily find with an on-line vendor such as Amazon.

Of course, 90% of what is on display is of little interest and I find that I emulate that old Chewing The Fat sketch whereby the lead characters give an instant appraisal to all and sundry: "Wank. Wank. Wank. Good Guy. Wank. Wank. Wank. Wank. Wank. Good Guy. Wank. Good Guy. Good Guy. Wank..." and so on.

But it is surprising that there are quite a few artists that have appealed to me in the past and yet I have never bought anything by them. Billy Joel had a decent compilation album there. Do I like him? I remember buying an Elton John album which was played 2 or 3 times and then forgotten as his songs are pleasant enough tunes but don't really do anything for me beyond background music. Pink Floyd - should I replace those 3 CDs that went "odd" on me. The White Stripes? I know I like some of their stuff but I've never bought any.

So many things to chose and so little money! Also, so little time - I was, after all, meant to be choosing a birthday present. I looked along to "V" for Vampire Weekend which I knew Nina was interested in. All that was there was a blank marker card. Bugger! I then had a brainwave as I knew she liked Paloma Faith. Nothing again, but one of the shop assistants pointed out that they had her CD in the sale. I had a look but nothing again. I did see an Evanescence CD which I had some idea Nina liked. This is the gothy band featuring Amy Lee on vocals - or "that weird witchy woman" as I once called her. I then noticed that this was a 2 for 1 offer. I looked at the beginning and saw an ABBA album which I thought "would do".

It was only when I was making my way back to Queen Street station that I noticed that there is another HMV where the Virgin Megastore used to be. I went in but, again, there was no Vampire Weekend. They did, however, have Paloma Faith. The shop was nearly closing so I looked quickly for a second disk. It was between Faith No More, a sort of heavy rock band who I liked in the early 90s before Nirvana came along, and Faithless - I think they are an electronic group of some sort. I didn't bother finding out and just bought the disk before heading for my train.

Well, the Paloma Faith and ABBA sent down well, Evanescence is "good music to slit your wrists to" and Faithless was a bit boring: well, three out of four wasn't bad. So that is the joy of record shops. It's a different sort of shopping to the online world but with a sense of excitement at finding those little gems, lying lost at the back of a dim memory. However, they are a dying breed. In a few years it will be online or nothing.

What a Load of Rubbish

This week, my local council managed to pick up our household waste on the agreed collection day for the first time since October. This hasn't been all their fault but it has really been a bone of contention with me as they don't seem to have any problems in collecting my Council Tax. Nevertheless, they do appear to have caught up and have even collected the recycling which I was having to take to a recycling depot.

In fact, it's surprising just how much household waste can be recycled. Theoretically, everything could be recycled - after all, it is all composed of the same 92 elements - but it is always going to be a law of decreasing returns as more and more effort is spent on treating smaller amounts of waste. Despite this, I don't think that anything like enough effort is made to recycle in the UK and I think a good deal of the blame for this lies with local authorities. Ultimately, waste can either be recycled or not but, despite this, there is huge variation amongst councils as to what they will and won't recycle. Some councils seem to offer a worse recycling service than if they just left it to the local Scout troop, rag and bone man or Blue Peter appeal to sort out. Others are better.

Our local council do make a reasonable stab at things: Glass, metal cans, type 1 and 2 plastics, paper and old clothes are all (usually) collected from the roadside on a weekly basis and, usefully, cardboard can be put in the organic garden waste bin - apparently this mix produces first class compost. Additionally, they do recycle larger items including electricals, white goods, bicycles and so on if they are taken to the recycling centre. However, there are still other items that are just expected to be sent to land fill, such as other types of plastics and Tetrapak which other councils will take. In turn, other councils will take similar items but in a different manner. All this means that the householder will often put items in landfill rather than risk having some snotty council employee refuse to take them or even refuse to take anything.

It always strikes me that those in charge of waste disposal are more than happy to blame the general public for producing waste and there are even examples of councils using fines for really petty reasons (such as an overfilled wheelie bin or putting it out on the wrong day) whilst refusing to accept that Britain, in general, is a disgraceful tip. Just look at your nearest roadside or hedgerow and it is filled with litter. Travel to neighbouring countries such as France or Germany and you will not see this. I don't think this is necessarily a lack of civic pride in this country because most people I know want to dispose off waste responsibly and in the most environmentally safe way possible - it's just that those we pay to deal with this don't want to.

I think it's about time that waste disposal was given some sort of priority. Couldn't we have a single recycling policy for the whole country - or at least for Scotland? It would allow us to recycle more and it should work out cheaper as the costs of running the schemes would be shared. Then, maybe, we could spend the savings on employing more people to deal with the waste rather than bitching about it. I can't see it happening any time soon - not when our elected officials want to cut public services and spend money on starting wars and bailing out crooks.

The Return of the King

If Liverpool fans could hit the "Please God: Make that didn't happen" button on a whole season, then I suspect it would be this one. They are playing dreadfully, they were hours from administration and they have sacked their manager after only 6 months. For a club that thrives on stability, they are having a nightmare of a time. One bright note is that they have an old favourite "King" Kenny Dalglish back at the helm. He was very successful with them as both a player and manager after joining from Celtic in the late 1970s but do returning managers ever have the same impact?

There is one very good example of a managerial comeback just across the Mersey from Anfield. John King was Tranmere manager in the late 70s just as Kenny was establishing himself as a Liverpool legend. He didn't do too badly with Rovers but, as they were floating around their typical Third Division mediocrity, he was relieved of his duties in 1980. He went on to manage a few other small sides until a new Tranmere chairman came knocking on his door in 1987 with the club fighting relegation, not just from the top division as Liverpool are but from the entire football league. They survived, with 10 minutes to spare. From that point came a remarkable turnaround as the club rose through the divisions and came close on several seasons to Premier League promotion.

Kenny Dalglish has not had the easiest of starts to his second stint as Liverpool boss. They were always going to struggle at Old Trafford. The penalty goal was soft - whether any contact was made at all with the player (and the assistant referee couldn't spot it) Dimitar Berbatov was simply looking for a penalty. I wouldn't accuse that one player or Manchester United of cheating because most players from most top-level clubs do this as a matter of course. As a fan, I can't stand it. I go to watch a game of football, not theatrical play-acting, and this is why I can't be bothered to pay for top flight footie at the ground or on the telly - there is just no entertainment in it. The other talking point in that game was Gerrard's sending off. At least with this, I think Webb was showing some consistency. Stevie G may have been going for the ball and not made any contact with the player but he went in with both feet and studs showing. Had it been one foot then I am sure that Webb would only have given a yellow card as with this example: Nigel De Jong attempts to murder catches Xabi Alonso during the World Cup final:



Things haven't got any better for Kenny as the Reds went to bits against Blackpool (a side that I do have some time for). The thing is, Liverpool are in terrible form and it takes time to sort out. When sides are like this they eventually pick up and just start winning against expectation. Unless they go the way of Nottingham Forrest, they do have some talented players and they should turn things around - not enough to win much but enough to avoid relegation and take stock. As for the players they have, there are very few of their senior players that I would regard as indispensable. In fact, only goalkeeper Reina strikes be as being a push to replace as he is by far the best keeper I can ever remember playing for Liverpool - although I always have a certain affection for Tommy Lawrence. Of the others, Gerrard and Carragher are approaching the end of their careers, Torres is injury prone and the likes of Kuyt are workhorses rather than thoroughbreds - although this is what they need right now. However there are many promising young players just on the fringe of the squad: Danny Wilson, Jay Spearing, Jonjo Shelvey, Martin Kelly and Nathan Eccleston all look capable of holding down a first team place given a decent run of games. This, along with the appointment of Steve Clarke as coach all points to a promising future. Whether this is with Dalglish at the helm remains to be seen.

Liverpool face Everton this Sunday in what will be Dalglish's first game in charge at Anfield since a goalless draw in the cup against Everton in 1991. If they lose, it can't get much worse for the fans but, if they win, could this mark the Return of the King?

Keep to the Right

Having a broken arm is a right pain in the neck - although that might be something to do with the sling. Aside from the pain the big shock is the instant disability. It really never occurs as to how much you rely on having four working limbs until one of them doesn't.

First of all, I can't drive. As I can work easily at home this isn't such an issue but if I want to do anything else I have to be chauffeured around. I can still walk, of course, but I can't tie my shoelaces and have to rely on a rather worn pair of slip-ons. I suppose I could always get Velcro shoes but I'm hoping things will improve before too long. Working is OK to a point - although a spate of network timeouts whilst I'm in the middle of something is infuriating. However, the one thing that really surprised me is how much I rely on my left hand for typing. I have been touch typing for over thirty years and it is a huge shock to the system to suddenly have to stare at the keyboard and prod away. The other thing that flummoxed me when I first booted up my laptop is: How do you type Alt-Ctrl-Delete one handed? I managed it eventually but it involved using the little finger on my right hand - a bit of a stretch as this finger doesn't work properly.

The thing is: many people get by without the use of arms or legs quite happily. If someone has had a disability for a long time they are naturally adapted to it. Even one of the Children's TV presenters, Cerrie Burnell, is quite at home on TV despite having part of one arm missing - although maybe reading the birthday cards on CBeebies isn't the most challenging of tasks. In fact, when she started appearing on TV there were some complaints from parents that she was appearing at all. The Daily Mail ran with the story and the responses on their website at the time were very supportive of Cerrie and criticised those people who complained. I actually rather liked this. Daily Mail readers get a reputation for being small-minded bigots so it's nice to see that they are fundamentally decent people who can see obvious injustice - it's just a pity that the Mail spends most of it's time trying to frighten them.

So, for the most part I'm just adapting. The only problem I'm finding is that every so often I will try do something with my left arm without thinking. For example, yesterday I knocked a book from the table and, as a reflex action, I tried to catch it with my left hand. The book hit the floor anyway - as did I a moment later as I was racked with pain right down my left side. I suppose that's why I have some top quality pain-killers (another reason why I can't drive). In fact these have helped immensely whilst sleeping. Even so, I do keep waking up in some pain although this may be because I end up sleeping in odd positions because of a bent up left arm.

Anyway, I'm meant to bee seeing the doctor again in a fortnight's time. I'm hoping the arm will have improved by then.

A Happy New Year

I started last year with the Mother-of-all-Hangovers. Mainly, this was because I had no idea quite how much alcohol there was in my wife's punch - at least not until the next morning when I counted the empty bottles in the kitchen and tried to determine why I felt like I had been lobotomised. Well, I was determined that wasn't going to happen this year so I went for Hogmanay driving duties which both minimised alcohol consumption whilst gaining the accolade of "Most popular man in Scotland."

In fact I felt so lively on New Years Day that I decided to take my five year old son and eight year old whippet for a long walk in the local country park. This is were things started to go awry. It was very icy. In fact, the dog was sliding about like Bambi even with the advantage of four spiked feet. Even so, I managed to make it safely back to the path leading back to the entrance when I went arse-over-tit on the ice and landed very heavily on my elbow. In fact, it was very heavily indeed as the arm no longer worked and a bone was broken.

Every so often, there is a heart warming story on the news about a dog or young child who takes charge of the situation and gets help for their incapacitated parent/owner. This was not one of those occasions. Jake kindly informed me that, "It's all gone Pete Tong, Dad"; whilst Eddie, the erstwhile whippet, buggered off and chased a squirrel. Eventually, I did manage to get back to my feet and Jake did help by holding the dog's lead for me - at least until Eddie saw another squirrel and Jake was dragged through the undergrowth at 40 mph.

I made it home and my wife drove me down to the hospital. I had hoped this would be the fancy shiny new hospital in Larbert which is like something out of a Sci-Fi movie and is run by robots. As it was, I ended up in the old casualty unit at Stirling Infirmary which looks like a war zone - at least it did yesterday as they were still dealing with the drunks and brawlers from the previous night's "festivities". I have to say the staff were great as they had mainly been on duty since the previous night and working on New Years Day is rotten at the best of times without having to deal with vomiting Buckfast-fuelled Neds and thirtysomething singletons suffering from Gin and Tonic abuse.

All of this misfortune rather stole the thunder from my eldest son, Raymond, who was meant to be celebrating his ninth birthday. This was somewhat made up by ITV showing the first episode of the new series of Primeval. This is ITV's answer to Doctor Who, although it's more of a complimentary show than a rival as it draws a similar audience to both Doctor Who and Merlin and, whilst Doctor Who involves travelling through time and space fighting monsters, Primeval involves travelling through time and space fighting monsters a little less camply. It's all good fun although we no longer get to see Hannah Spearritt dancing around in her knickers every week. It's on again tonight so we can marvel as they tackle the completlymadeupinCGIasaurus whilst Ben Miller gets all the best one-liners.

So that was New Years day. My efforts to drink responsibly and take some exercise have given me a broken arm. Next year, I'm going to drink like a Glasgow Jakie instead.